ABOUT
THE WELL OF GRIEF
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.
~ David Whyte
In my 35 years of private practice I have listened and spoken to diverse people at various stages of their lives. I have listened to their dreams and aspirations, their traumas and confusions and their desire to live life more attuned to their own inner wisdom. And I have loved doing it.
This path started long before private practice. In high school my friends and acquaintances began coming over to discuss their concerns and they left feeling better. One friend told me that listening was my superpower.
I soon learned that to enhance this gift I had to get out of the way so that I could listen without my own unconscious filters. What followed were decades of exploration of my own defenses and unresolved patterns that were created because of my own less than perfect childhood. In this process the persona I had manufactured was seen for what it was: a false self constructed to protect me from hurt. This allowed a new voice, a quieter voice to arise. It also allowed a different quality of listening: Empathic Surrender. (see article)
I bring a genuine curiosity and care to this work. My repeated experience in practicing all these years is that when we courageously look inside ourselves we find wisdom and direction and equanimity.
Over these decades I have studied numerous theories and methodologies, both psychological and spiritual, and they have all filtered down to inform who I am and how I work.
“Randall Alifano and I have been colleagues for many years. We have written together, taught together, read each other’s work, studied together and discussed therapy and consultation for many hours. I couldn’t recommend him more highly. I would happily refer my family members to him (and have already done so) and anyone else who is seeking a sensitive, highly intuitive, and experienced counselor. In short, Randall is brilliant; a warm, caring individual with great empathy for his clients. I trust him as much as anyone I know.”
Kim Chernin, Ph.D.
“We didn’t enter into couples therapy because we were in dire straights but because there were issues in our relationship that would repeatedly come up that we didn’t know how to address. Instead, we kept side-stepping them, blowing our lid every once in a while, and then going back to normal.
We were both surprised that Randall wasn’t attempting to teach us communication tools. That’s what we assumed couple’s therapy was about. Instead, he worked individually with us while the other person listens and observes.
Because he’s such a gifted listener, he managed in the most delicate of ways, to guide us to that which was at the center of what we were struggling with as individuals. His capacity to sense and find expression for that which was behind our words was quite extraordinary, but the work didn’t end there. The partner not working with him in a given session would silently watching on. As we watched one another reveal our tender bits, we developed a more deep-seated understanding of each other.
Through observing one another being worked with by Randall in this way, we have developed an appreciation for one another’s character traits, particularly those that stymied our relationship Instead of stepping away, we have naturally developed the capacity to step toward one another.
Randall is a gifted therapist, certainly one of the most talented we’ve worked with. We have been working with him for three-plus years. His capacity to enable us to feel understood is unsurpassed. Listening is a form of art, and he’s a master.”
Chad H