COUNSELING
“We have what we seek. It is there all the time and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.”
~ Thomas Merton
All the Hemispheres
Leave the familiar for a while.
Let your senses and bodies stretch out
Like a welcomed season
Onto the meadows and shores and hills.
Open up to the Roof.
Make a new water-mark on your excitement
And love.
Like a blooming night flower,
Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness
And giving
Upon our intimate assembly.
Change rooms in your mind for a day.
All the hemispheres in existence
Lie beside an equator
In your heart.
Greet Yourself
In your thousand other forms
As you mount the hidden tide and travel
Back home.
All the hemispheres in heaven
Are sitting around a fire
Chatting
While stitching themselves together
Into the Great Circle inside of
You.
~ Hafiz
I have seen that for many people, psychology without spirituality lacks the depth needed to understand the breadth of our human experience. And, spirituality without psychology lacks specificity and concrete solutions to address everyday life and its traumas.
I find that most of our blocks to spiritual or psychological growth are a function of our attempts to exclude parts of ourselves. We want to eradicate fear, self-criticism, judgments, anger, and sadness along with many other so-called negative attributes. It is this attempt at exclusion, that reinforces and anchors these qualities we wish to get rid of, and it perpetuates our suffering. We simply need to stop running and listen with curiosity so we can understand what needs to be communicated.
For over 35 years I have worked with individuals and couples. I guide my clients to step out of habituated thinking and emotional patterns, which have been utilized for so long it is difficult to see them for what they are. These patterns, which once protected us, isolate and block us from living our life to its fullest. A different quality of listening can show us how to become aware of those patterns and step into life choices that are more attuned to who we are.
When working with a couple there is the added element of helping both partners listen from a more empathic perspective so that the patterns that created distance dissipate while attachment styles are made clear, allowing for a more honest and thoughtful connection.
It is still stunning to me how quickly a fight can be turned into an empathic and moving communication when we drop the old scripts that define and reinforce our sense of being alone.
There are times this work is difficult and takes courage. During these moments humor is a valuable companion. Humor allows for a different and light-hearted perspective. Laughter is therapeutic and is certainly part of the journey.
“At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” ~ Jean Houston
My Professional and Educational Background
In 1985, I received a Master’s degree in Psychology
in 1997, I received a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology.
I have been working as a counselor since 1978 and have been in private practice since 1986. I was Ordained in 2002.
For further exploration of my thinking, see the Articles section.
“As both a client and colleague, I have known Randall Alifano for 20+ years. Initially my boyfriend and I saw him for 2 years to help us deal with patterns that had prevented each of us from finding successful relationships in the past. His particular style enabled us to go more and more deeply into our individual fears, blocks and past traumas. With gentleness, warmth, humor and attentiveness plus the ability to help us confront ourselves, we were able to form a deeper relationship than either of us had ever known. After 20 years of marriage my husband died suddenly. In my grief and anxiety I returned to see Randall who, with perfect attunment, accompanied me in my anguish and helped in my gradual healing . As a psychotherapist, I have referred many people to this amazing man. He combines exquisite skill with utmost authenticity and a spiritual orientation where appropriate. I can think of no other therapist whom I respect more than Randall.”
Linda B.
“Working with Randall has changed my life – he has helped me significantly reduce anxiety, deepen and strengthen my relationships, have more fun, trust myself more, excel in my career, and free myself from unhealthy and painful patterns with my biological family. Randal is a wonderful therapist – attentive, intuitive, warm, funny, smart, and creative. He is so skilled at working with the deep emotional stuff, yet he can bring a light touch and sense of humor that helps to make the deep and sometimes painful healing process manageable. He is rock solid in his presence and I always know that he is there for me. I am very spiritually oriented and Randall is able to integrate spiritual awareness into all of our work together. I recommend Randall highly and without reservation.”
Erika C.